Alex Reads Twilight is a series of videos made by English Youtube blogger Alex Day (known on Youtube by his screen name Nerimon) in which he records himself reading and commenting Twilight. His videos are generally one chapter per video except when the chapter is short or boring. These videos have become fairly popular for their amusing commentary.
So far Alex has been critical of the series and its characters as a whole, often insulting Bella for being depressing.
Alex Day Edit
Alex Day is a youtube star (screen name nerimon), and upcoming artist who plans to go on tour in the next year or so. As stated above, he is known among antis for his funny-because-they're-so-true opinions on Twilight.
Chapter One Edit
- "Oh God, I just saw myself, on camera, holding a copy of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight."
- “Let me explain why I bought this: Younger people to seem to love this book, they think it is brilliant, and everyone else says that it’s shit.”
Chapter Two Edit
- "This is so dull! I... I'm not impressed with chapter two so far! It's just like reading a bad fanfiction! And Bella did this, and Bella did that, and Bella did this, and Bella... died."
- "WHY DOES NOTHING PLEASE YOU?!”
- "Bella Swan is not a real teenager! If she was, she'd be reading Twilight!"
- "This guy Mike, she's just completely a DICK to him."
- "What's the closest thing to Twilight that teenagers read? Wuthering Heights, I imagine..."
Chapters Three and Four Edit
- "I can't believe this is published!"
- "It's a bit like a subplot, except I don't care at all."
- “Edward Cullen is being a wanker.”
- "Handsomer?...Is that a word?"
- "Yeah, because watching him from a distance is less weird."
Chapters Five and Six Edit
*"His name is Jacob. And he's completely normal! Which is nice because that's what she needs in her life. Someone who's not some weird supernatural creature. Just a normal bloke."
“Yeah, fuckin Lauren and her blonde hair.”
Chapter Seven Edit
- "I'm assuming that Stephenie Meyer knows what a modern computer is like, 'cause presumably she typed this up on one, unless she sneezed it all out one day and then handed it to her publisher."
- "Fucking Lauren man, what the fuck is Lauren, in this book, just comin' in and ruining our protagonist's life. I hate Lauren... Who's Lauren?"
- "'I ate breakfast cheerily.' How do you eat breakfast cheerily?"
Chapters Eight and Nine Edit
- "I don't know, I'm not a girl. Is that what happens when girls go out with other girls? They come home, someone asks how their night was and they go "Yeah, the estrogen was pumping!". I've never heard that phrase before..."
- "I wish Lauren was the protagonist of this book, 'cause she would be…I'm kidding of course, everyone hates Lauren."
- “Bella goes walking off to find a bookstore cause she’s a cliché.”
- "Oh my god this book!"
- [Reading a comment he received from Youtube user SexyWhiteKorean]"CONSIDER YOUR FUCKING ASS ACCOUNT UNSUBSCRIBED, YOU LITTLE BITCH! YOU STOPPED READING THAT DAMN FUCKING TWILIGHT, THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOOD FOR! YOU SUCK SHIT AND DICK, SO FUCK YOU! I WAIT TOO LONG FOR YOUR FUCKING TWILIGHT, OKAY?!"
Chapters Ten and Eleven Edit
- "We all know the feeling of that moment when you've been burned, but you can't feel the pain of it yet? That is how she felt."
- "Of course, Stephenie Meyer doesn't care about Bella Swan, and so we don't get the answers to those questions, because Stephenie Meyer is Bella Swan."
- “Oh I found at the back of the book, I found a little bit of information about the author. There’s no picture, but it says that Stephenie Meyer graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in English Literature?!”
- "'My heart throbbed at his words.' Well, it would be beating either way. It's a heart."
Chapter Twelve Edit
- "The main point of this is that Jacob is asking Bella about Edward, but there's a subplot in which Bella is making a sandwich, and quite a lot of the chapter is dedicated to that."
- "I don't know what happens to the sandwiches in the end. That's a subplot left dangling that will be dealed with in New Moon."
- "Urgh, God, this is so disgusting."
- "Dont get love advice from this book, is my point."
Chapter Thirteen Edit
- "Stephenie Meyer can't write!"
- "I say: chomp on the blood. Indulge. Enjoy yourself. Who's going to care... Who's going to miss Bella Swan..."
- "Stupid girl with your smelly blood and your motion sickness."
Chapter Fourteen Edit
- "If that's not a warning sign to leave a relationship, then I don't know what is."
- ""I've had the scent of you in my head all day." That's like saying I've been having the sound of your laughter in my mouth all day."
Chapter Fifteen Edit
- "Now we've had this problem a few times before, with Stephenie Meyer plus science equals wrong."
Chapter Sixteen Edit
Chapters Seventeen and Eighteen Edit
- "Okay, so this is officially the most boring chapter, of any book, I have ever read."
- "So we're up to chapter 19 now, and things are starting to happen. It's only taken 340 pages."
- [On Bella] "She's used her brain for the first time on page 335."
Chapter Nineteen Edit
- "They have the most unromantic kiss I've ever read in any fiction, ever."
- "Maybe you should stick to working on Midnight Sun...aah! ooh! Touchy subject."
- "Stupid Stephenie Meyer, this is not how you book!"
- "Bella is like catnip for vampires."
Eternal Links Edit
Notes and Comments by Frozen Apples Edit
****Note by a member: the username, SexyWhiteKorean, is a shame to all Koreans.