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Breaking Dawn is the fourth book of Stephenie Meyer's so-called-saga. To the fans it is either not part of the series or the Bible. It contains the biggest WTF moment of the entire series: Meyer breaks her own canon to give Mary Sue Bella an equally Mary Sue baby. This blatant insanity earned a place of (dis)honor on TVtropes. The story was so outrageous that when spoilers initially started flooding the internet, they were immediately discounted as blatant lies by fans (at least until they read the book for themselves). If Ed Wood were to write a book, this would be it. This may just be the best book in the series. No...seriously.

Story Edit

Breakingdawnapproved

Nothing wrong with imprinting at all!

Bella and Edward finally get married (we all saw this coming) and honeymoon on Isle Esme. She and Edward have some SRSLY HAWT sex that is apparently so awesome that we hear nothing concrete about it and Bella passes out (dear Eddy keeps on going, resulting in a broken headboard, bitten pillows, and totally romantic bruises on Bella). Bella then gets pregnant with a hellchild.

Then the narrative jumps forward in time and switches to Jacob's POV for no reason (at the very least sparing the readers of Bella's whining). We see that Bella is very weak from her Rosemary's-Baby-esque pregnancy and Rosalie is taking care of her, because all she wants is the kid. She cares nothing for Bella's well-being, just like the readers. Edward asks Jacob to try to convince Bella to get an abortion, but Bella chooses to risk her life by keeping the baby because she knows she already loves it so. Edward even goes so far as to bargain with Jacob, saying that he would gladly whore Bella out to Jacob if Bella wants kids (what a gentleman). Bizarre, mind-scarring things happen over the course of the pregnancy; the baby hellspawn grows abnormally fast and kicks Bella so hard that it breaks her ribs. Towards the end, Bella has to drink blood to satisfy the fetus's appetite. When Bella finally goes into labor, Edward has to chew the baby out of Bella in a scene reminiscent of the "chestbuster" sequence from the movie Alien. Despite the fact that the birth involves most of Bella's blood supply getting sprayed across the room, none of the Meyerpires are at all fazed, due to the fact that one of SMeyer's favorite hobbies is contradicting her own canon.The blood-sucking demon child/mini Loch Ness monster is a girl that they named Hellspawn Renestard. Or something.

Jacob immediately imprints on the baby so finally (and conveniently) solving the love triangle. Going back to Bella Sue's POV, she finally turns into a vampire, and she's so speshul that she can be around humans. When she, Renesmee, and Jacob are hunting, a sparklepire named Irina sees them and thinks Nessie is a dangerous Vampire Child rather than a demon half-breed. After that the Cullens assemble a tribe of about thirty Meyerpires so that they can fight the Volturi over the demon spawn's right to be alive. There is an incredible anticlimax where all they do is talk it out, and only Irina dies, probably of boredom.

At the end, Eddy and Bellatard go off into their "small but perfect piece of forever". Unfortunately, no one gets run over by a truck, but millions of minds are ruined.

Cover Art of Breaking Spawn Dawn Edit

As seen in the picture, Breaking Dawn's cover shows a white chess queen in the foreground and a red pawn in the background, representing Bella's increase in Mary-Sueness. What this has to do with vampires and chagrin, no one knows. We will never understand Meyer's disgusting imagination.

SMeyer says that it represents how Bella started off weak and became the strongest. This makes no sense at all. Bella started off as the weakest character and is still the weakest character, maybe even a weaker character. Meyer has deluded herself into believing that Bella's character changed. As in, there was character development. Haha. Sure.

Fans Hate It Too, Oh Noes.... Edit

Up until the epic fail that is known as Breeding Spawn Breaking Dawn, the whole of the Twilight fanbase was one big happy family. Sort of like the families you see come on the Jerry Springer show and happily talk about how they enjoy having sex with their cousins and ain't no one gonna tell 'em different. Stupid, yes, rabid, definitely, but they were all united in their Twitard insanity. Which is a sign that they have not come close to becoming sane again.

But Meyer had to end her sex dreams saga series in a literary abortion, complete with a middle finger to her fans! Meyer, you have to TRY in order to lose the utterly stupid fans of your books. Wow Meyer, that's low getting your own fangirls/fanboys to despise your work.

To say that the fans were displeased with the last book is the understatement of the century. The feuding among the Twitard fanbase that followed the book's release made the whole ridiculous affair of Team Deadward/Pedobear look like a tea party. Fans were pissed off, more importantly they were pissed off at their great goddess Meyer. And those who weren't mad at her were mad at the unhappy fans. How can a Twitard not like a Twilight book? Apparently, Meyer is such a terrible writer that she managed to anger a legion of rabid hormonal teenage girls who apparently will like anything as long as it's covered in sparkles.

Irate fans claim that the last book was lacking in romantic/sexual tension (no, really?). The overall lack of romance aside, teenage fans wanted more of "trials of dating a vampire/bad boy" and the sexual excitement of watching paint dry seeing Bella and Edward fight their unnatural urges. Instead, Bella and Edward get married and settle down to being an old married couple. Apparently teenagers like reading about the potential of marriage and wish to someday be married, but they really don't want to experience/read about something boring that only old people do. There is also speculation that the fans were angry at the Mormon cop-out lack of a true sex scene.

thumb|300px|left|The book. It wasn't enough that Meyer had to throw away the established canon of vampire fiction, as well as the principles of biology. No, she managed to shatter her precious sparkle canon as a veritable "screw you" to the fans. Yet even canon breaking wasn't enough for Meyer; the logical inconsistency of Breaking Dawn makes the previous three books look like positively brilliant works of art in comparison. And then there was the ponderous buildup of non-drama that lasted over 500 pages and ended in an anticlimax.

Having Edward eat a baby out of Bella's stomach probably didn't help things, either

Even Twitards couldn't swallow that. Congratulations Meyer, you are the weakest link (the understatement of the f**king millenium).

However, the fangirls still didn't turn sane. What will it take? We may never know just like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop! And hery both actually are provable but very hard to do so.

Internal Links Edit

Twilight, The Series

Twilight

New Moon

Eclipse

Twilight, The Movie

New Moon, The Movie

Eclipse, The Movie

Breaking Dawn, The Movie Parts 1 and 2

External Links
Edit

SMeyer's Breaking Wind Dawn Section

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