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Carlisle Cullen

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Carlisle Cullen

Assface

Carlisle attempting his family's patented Rape Face.

Information
Species Meyerpire
Year Born 1645, London
Year Vamped 1668 (Breaking Dawn  says he looks around 23 years old)
Sexual Orientation Straight
Location Forks, Washington
Powers compassion
Hobbies righteous self-denial, looking like "Zeus's younger brother", turning attractive teenagers into vampires 
Profession Doctor
Family
Father Some minister dude somewhere
Mother Unknown
Wife Esme Cullen
Sisters None
Brothers None
Grandchild Renesmee Cullen

Carlisle Cullen is the head of the Cullen coven and the adoptive father of the younger-looking Cullens.

Carlisle's BiographyEdit

Carlisle was born in 1640s in Merry Auld Englande, just in time for the Black Death and the Great Fire of London. He was the son of an Anglican pastor who led witch-hunts in his spare time. As it turned out, these witch-hunts usually just killed innocent people, and Carlisle used his well-honed powers of compassion to decide that this was a bad thing.

Being more intelligent than his father, Carlisle managed to find a real coven of vampires hiding in the London sewers. Since at this point the London sewers were open gutters in the street, this probably wasn't very hard. Gathering a mob big enough to intimidate a bunch of near-invulnerable Meyerpires, he led the attack. He ended up getting bitten and would have probably been sucked dry, but the vampire responsible was chased away by the mob of fragile, puny humans. This makes total sense. Carlisle crawled into hiding while under immense pain.

On realizing he was a vampire, Carlisle attempted suicide many times, which included trying to drown himself and jumping off cliffs. Considering how flammable Meyerpires are, he obviously never thought of self-immolation. Carlisle is clearly not as clever as he thinks he is, also considering that burning to death was the common punishment for demons and witches at that time and actually what he was supposed to do with the vampires he found in the sewers. Actually this is even stated by Edward while telling the tale, that Carlisle was afraid of being burned because he came in contact with the vampire - so burning oneself to attempt suicide was clearly out of question. During this time he became friends with the Volturi, who did kill humans for food. Fortunately Carlisle is very open-minded and didn't let his friends' constant murdering people get in the way of their relationship.

Carlisle then moved to the New World, where he worked night shifts in a hospital during the Spanish influenza epidemic. This is where he met Edward and turned him into a vampire, despite having sworn never to inflict his curse on anyone else. Edward's dying mother's words must have been very persuasive.

He also turned Esme into a vampire at around this time, after treating her for a failed suicide attempt brought on by the death of her child. They bonded over their mutual incompetence at killing themselves and memories of when she was a teenage patient of his, fell in love and got married.

Shortly afterwards, during the Great Depression, he found Rosalie dying of gang rape in a city they decided to inhabit for a while and decided to change her because she was pretty, and thus the perfect mate for Edward, and pretty people can't be allowed to die! After being rejected by Edward, Rosalie found her true love in the forest while hunting and begged Carlisle to turn him into a Meyerpire too - so Emmett joined the coven. The motley crew then all moved to Forks, where they made a treaty with the werewolves saying that the Cullens wouldn't kill any actual people and could never ever come to their beach, so there. Shortly after this, Alice and Jasper joined the club as well, thereby making up the whole of the Cullen family as it exists in Twilight.

Malpractice Edit

Since Carlisle graduated from medical school in the seventeenth century, no one can prove that he is, in fact, a doctor. The law requires background checks of all medical personnel. How did he get a job running a hospital in Forks if he hasn't been to med school in hundreds of years? Does he have fake papers or does he have to go to college and repeat the formalities once a decade? Or perhaps does he just stick with his physican's liscense he got 500 years ago?

Also, medical practices have improved a lot beyond learning where to apply the leeches. So, to stay updated, Meyer has Carlisle attend Harvard Medical School every decade or so. Of course, it would be cheaper and a lot less trouble for Carlisle to just subscribe to medical journals, but Meyer wants us to see what a genius he is. Also, due to tenure, professors will probably stay at Harvard for more than ten years, and Carlisle is quite distinctive in appearance.  I guess we also have to assume that he opts out of yearbook pictures.

Carlisle's Appearance
Edit

It is stated in Breaking Dawn that Carlisle looks like "Zeus's younger, better looking brother." He is six foot three (that being the average height in London in the 1600s), blonde, and eternally 23. Somehow he still manages to pass for both the adoptive father of four teenagers and a respected doctor. He is also apparently slight (despite being six foot three) but muscular. Carlise is described as hot by many twihards. He shines like the sun. When Bella is finally turned into a vampire she mentions having the odd urge to blink when looking at his face because that's how ridiculously blindingly beautiful he is.

HypocrisyEdit

Carlisle states he became a doctor because he wanted to help people and use his new powers to do good deeds. This makes us wonder about several points in his life. First of all he is rich as hell but no one ever states that he gives something to the poor, seeing that he neither needs food nor pays any rent (they own the house) and being the excellent doctor he is, he actually should earn more than enough money, this is questionable. While this point could easily be argued through saying that simply Bella doesn't know (or care) about him helping others, there are a few more things that do not quite fit his goodness.

So the second point is the waste of money. Alice for example doesn't let anyone wear the same thing twice. Meaning they wear new expensive clothes every day, which is an awful waste of money. And we don't want to start at the horribly expensive cars, which every one of them owns, but no one really drives on a regular basis (except Carlisle). Other than that, they also have food and other things they don't really need just to cover up that they are vampires, which is also absolutely stupid. There are two reasons they wouldn't need those lovely tokens. The first one is that no one really visits them and the second one is they are supposed to be super fast, so couldn't they just run to the next store and get something instead of wasting all that food they probably keep 'till the expiring date and then buy again?

He also slaughters animals despite his job giving him plenty of access to free blood. Similarly, he has no problem with other vampires killing people as long as he doesn't get his own hands dirty. He has been known to invite "real" vampires up to his place and allow them to kill freely.

So the awful waste of money and food doesn't bother nice doctor Carlisle at all while he - and actually the whole family - knows that there are people in the world starving and freezing to death. Yeah and add to that the fact that our beloved doctor works in one of the richest countries in the world instead of working somewhere where his help could be needed more

SpeshulnessEdit

If we look at Carlisle's coven and their history we get the impression he didn't really think when he turned them into vampires. Being a doctor for about 300 years, he should have encountered far worse and tragic life-stories then those he decided to mate up with. Let's look at them one after the other.


Edward: He died during the Spanish infuenza epidemic. Both his parents have died before him and his mother had begged the doctor to save her son's life. Now that we know the circumstances, we totally don't understand his decision. He was hardly the only boy who was left an orphan and dying during the Spanish influenza epidemic, with parents wishing for him to survive.


Esme: She committed suicide because of the loss of her first child (as if losing your child at that time wasn't likely). Carlisle found her, realized he wanted a wife and turned her. What a great reason! He should start turning everyone he knows who is dying into a vampire, that would make a big lovely family.


Rosalie: Rosalie died after being raped by her fiancé and his friends. Carlisle found her and being a beautiful hero, he turned her into a monster. Just a question: how many other women dying after an attack by a man/of a rape/abusive relationships did he turn? Yeah, no one. Why again? Because Edward needed a mate too of course!


Emmett: Emmett was turned into a vampire because he resembled the baby boy of Rosalie's former best friend. He was attacked by a bear. Wow, great reason again. He was turned into a monster because Rosalie found her true love in him (does this mean she was in love with the baby boy before? Um... pedophile?). She didn't know him, she just found him dying and thought "Wow, why not?" Who wouldnt want that?


And all that happened despite the fact that Carlisle didn't want to turn anyone! Kind of ironic that he changed all these people in the span of one century then, huh? Other than that he didn't ask a single one of them for permission - and of course, in Meyerverse, that doesn't mean family problems at all! Even Rosie who is sooo unlucky with her being a Meyerpire (we can totally understand that, but why did she want Emmett to become one if she really loved him?) seems to have accepted it without hating Carlisle. No, everyone is just fine with it because it's beautiful Carlisle we're talking about! Yeah, that solves all the problems: beauty!

Another aspect of his coven is quite interesting: not one of them is out of their 20s. Actually, most of them they are teens. Pedo-Carlisle? Or is it just Meyer stating that to be loved you need to be young, beautiful and rich? Great morals for youngsters, Stephie!

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