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Eclipse, The Movie

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James Rolfe is not amused

The Twilight Saga Eclipse Official Full Trailer (HD)01:33

The Twilight Saga Eclipse Official Full Trailer (HD)

Yes, I've seen shampoo commercials more exciting than this trailer.

Oh no. When will the insanity end?


According to TIME, it will be released "six weeks after vampire craze dies out". Hopefully it will be the last movie based off the fanfiction created by Stephenie Meyer. Unless, you know, the master script gets leaked on the Internet and everyone's "too sad" to keep filming or something. That would be just wonderful awful. If Smeyer is expecting this to be like the first two premiers, she's in for some major chagrin.

As you can see, the trailer thumbnail shows a grouchy-looking Bella with her stalker twu luv. Edward appears to be about to yawn, or maybe he's just sleepwalking his way through the trailer (again). This is the most boring trailer in the history of the world. Let's hope the movie is more exciting.

(By the way, as you can see in the posters, the film is going to be in IMAX (3D) and Emmett's new haircut is awful SPARKLETASTIC!!!1!one! Also Jasper can be seen creeping in the background, still looking constipated.)

ProsEdit

  • We actually get to see the battle in this one, instead of seeing it from Bella's whining perspective (Thank God), with werewolves ripping apart vampires in various and sundry ways.
  • Its closer to the end of the series.
  • Howard Shore (Lord of the Rings) is scoring the movie. This alone may hold redeeming power, as anything can be epic with his music. Anything.
  • David Slade (Hard Candy, 30 Days if Night) is directing it.


ConsEdit

  • It is a Twilight movie.
  • If we need to spell it out; it has Bella whining, horrible acting with actors speaking in monotone, an extreme protagonist-centered morality, and sparkling (although the last on was only brief, thank God).

Review...Edit

Shockingly, this wasn't too bad. TOO bad. The CGI was better and there was actually a plot, wonder of wonders! Alas, not even David Slade can totally redeem this train wreck. After all, it is Twilight, and mopey dialogue is a must in these films. But he did a good job of balancing the gushy romance with some awesome action scenes, and we actually got to see sparklepires get ripped apart. And at the end Jacob gets half-crushed by a headless newborn and Bella slices open her arm to distract Victoria, therefore making her an actual hero instead of an over-dramatic whiny bitch. By far the funniest thing in the movies was seeing Rosalie "the most beautiful vampire in the world" with platinum blond hair, a dark brown unibrow, and almost purple lips. EEEW.


It has a whopping 55% on Rotten Tomatoes.

But hey, if you want something to make you laugh, here's Jeremy's review of Eclipse. That's right, he was brave enough to keep going after New Moon.

Twilight Eclipse movie review03:25

Twilight Eclipse movie review

Jeremy Jahns' Eclipse review

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