Growing Up Cullen is a LiveJournal series written by oxymoronassoc and welurklate. Written as a theoretical "what if" thread, it details what Edward must have been like before he met
MarySue BellaSue Stephenie Meyer Bella.
Main characters of the series are confined to the Cullens, with Edward and Emmett being the most used. Edward is written as a "40 year old mother on a bad day" while Emmett is (admittedly) the jock older brother.
In the canon of Growing Up Cullen, Alice oftentimes ruins sporting events for Emmett by revealing the winning team, Esme "unfairly" favors Edward, and Rosalie joins Emmett in torturing Edward.
Read it if you enjoy Twilight fanfiction written for the lulz.