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Frozen Apples

How the books should have ended

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Twilight Edit

I heard, as if from underwater, the final growls of the hunter. I could see, through the long dark tunnels my eyes had become, his dark shape. The dark shape stepped forward, and swung his hand.

I felt a gasp, and I realized that he had sliced an enormous wound in my torso which fulled my chagrin. James grinned, and pulled out an empty wine bottle. He opened it, and let my blood fall inside with a drip drip drip.

"Don't worry." James said at last, "I'll rip off your head right now, before it hurts." I was too tired to protest, despite the fact that I was about to get beheaded. And with that, he grabbed my head and yanked. Everything became black.

New Moon. Edit

Caius grinned happily. "I hope Edward is right and you will taste good." I gulped, and grabbed Edward's hand. "Goodbye. I love you." I whispered. I no longer cared that he had gotten me killed. Edward growled furiously. Aro glanced at Felix and Jane. Again, Edward was on the ground screaming. Felix was ripping Edward into tiny bits. I looked away.

"Felix. Get the flamethrower." Caius ordered.

I widened my eyes in horror. "NOO!!!111ONE!!!!!!" I shouted. Felix grinned and winked. In that instant, I no longer cared that he could throw me through about ten walls without breaking a sweat. I was about to pounce when an explosion blew the wall off.

"CARABINIERI! HANDS IN THE AIR!" I, along with everybody in the room that was not piled up in a mess of body parts turned to find a bunch of gun wielding police pointing at their weapons at us.

"What the hell is this!!!111ONE!!!" shouted Caius furiously.

"Allow me to introduce myself," grinned one of the police officers. "I am Colonel D'Acquisto of the Italian Carbinier. We have been rather...suspicious. As you see, in the last 10 years, over nine thousand tourists in the fair town of Volterra have vanished...guess where? Oh, yes! Right here in this building." D'Acuisto chuckled. "We began to grow a tad suspicious. So, we decided to plant a camera in this room. You stupid, arrogant freaks didn't suspect a thing." D'Acuisto smirked. "Just imagine what we heard. We were quite... surprised, to say the least." His expression turned fierce. "Now then, will you surrender and come quietly, or will we have to destroy you all?"

Aro laughed. "How wonderful! Our next meal walks right into our hands." The rest of the Volturi laughed in agreement.

Caius grinned. "Perfect."

Marcus said, "I'm a douchebag."

Caius sneered. "Humans. The last time they discovered us, in the Middle Ages, it was such a fun slaughter. The fools tried to attack us with swords. How pathetic."

The Colonel smiled. "Ah, yes, but as you see, we are armed with weapons slightly more dangerous than swords."

The police fired their guns. However, instead of spraying bullets, the guns began to glow with a red light, and blasted out heat rays. In an instant, the strongest, deadliest vampires were a pile of ashes on the floor.

And with that, they turned their guns on Edward and Alice, who had put himself back together in all the commotion. Alice threw herself to her knees.

"Please don't kill me. I've never sucked a human's blood once in my life before, I swear!!!"

"Yes, but I don't believe you."

And in a flash, Alice was gone.

"Now, for you, sparkly asshole."

Edward roared and pounced, but he was too slow. A blast of red light turned him into a pile of ashes as well.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I cried. "U KILLED MY EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh please!" said the Colonel, looking at me with disdain. "He just liked you because your blood smelled good. Sooner or later, he would have killed you."

"NOOOOO..." I whined. "U DON'T UNDERSTAND. EDWARD WAS MY TWU LOVE!!!"

The Colonel rolled his eyes and shook his head before putting on a pair of dark sunglasses. The other policemen did the same. He then pulled out a long slender metal device and placed it in front of my tear-stained eyes. The thing beeped several times and suddenly there was a flash of red light. My mind went blank.

The Colonel took off his sunglasses, looked me in the face, and said sternly: "There are no such things as sparkly vampires. The guy you thought was your vampire boyfriend was really some creepy dude with a fetish for body glitter. You will go home now, obey your father, gain a personality, and stop behaving like a whiney, self-absorbed bitch."

"Ok..." I mumbled.

And that's exactly what I did.

Breaking DawnEdit

"ATTACK!" Ordered Aro. I had just enought time to think "oh crow!" before Felix charged at me. I threw a punch, but he dodged it. Edward appeared behind Felix and had him in a headlock. I shifted my focus on keeping Jane and Alec out of my shield. I only had to worry for a second. Kate shocked Jane, then ripped off her head and threw it like a bloody missile at Caius. Vladamir grabbed Alec, tore off his arms and stuffed a lighter down his throat.

"Jake! Grab Renesmee and RUN!" I ordered. Jake whimpered, and did as he was told. I turned back to the fight. Emmet and Rosalie were ganging up on Chelsea. I spotted Tanya bashing Caius over the head with his own leg. Benjamin was throwing fireballs into the volturi ranks from a safe distance.

"Behind you!" Zafrina shouted.

I turned around to find a guard charging at me. I threw a kick, but that was dodged easily. The guard grabbed my leg and began to pull, when his head exploded.

"Thanks, Edward." I shouted.

Edward nodded, and leapt into the air, kicking Afton in the head in midair. I jumped forward and finished Afton off by gouging out his eyeballs and beheading him with my teeth.


I saw less than pleasant things too. Esme lost her arm. Stefan had his head torn off him. Peter was ignited by Caius's pocket flamethrower. That instant, Heidi kicked me in the head. She threw another punch, and I roared, before punching back. Again, Heidi dodged and this time kicked me in the shins. She was about to go in for the kill when Alice threw her over her back with a judo throw.

Hang on. ALICE!

"Sorry we're late!" shouted Jasper, as he jammed three matches down Heidi's throat. Alice punched a member of the Volturi without hair in the head, dodging his punch and ripping a hole in his stomache with her teeth. All of a sudden, I spotted Aro. Rage coursed through me. He was the reason why my child was in danger, why so many people were dying. I charged at him, when I was so rudely thrown aside.

"Looks like Renata can still stop you. Wonderful!" Laughed Aro. Renata was hanging onto Aro's cloak. Jasper pulled out a twelve gauge shotgun and fired it at Aro, but to no avail. Aro took two steps forward and punched Jasper. Despite his frail appearence, he was faster than any other vampire I had ever seen. Jasper was thrown back ten meters. Alice roared in anger, and charged, only to stop when she realized what would happen if she did charge forward.

I was about to turn and run as Aro turned his sights on me, when I heard something.

"MOMMA!" Renesmee shouted. I gasped.

"Jacob! WTF ARE YOU DOING!" I shouted. Jacob was leaping through the air, flying at Aro with Renesmee on his back. He seemed to slow down in mid air as he got closer, then sprinted on ahead.

"I PWNED YOUR SHIELD, YOU STUPID BITCH ASS WHORE!" Renesmee shouted.

"Good girl!" Shouted Alice. Then she realized what she had just said. "Hang on-whaaat did you call Renata?"

Renesmee had jumped at Renata, and punched her in the stomach. Renata gasped.

"Take that, bitch ass sparkly dipshit!" Renesmee shouted. I decided to ignore her language for a few seconds, before jumping on Renata as well, tearing her head off and throwing it at Aro. The head bounced off Aro's shoulder. Unfortunately for Aro, Jacob had torn off his left leg, Jasper had torn off his right leg, Alice had torn off his right arm and Renesmee had torn off his left arm and was sucking Aro's left thumb.

"STUPID BABY! GET OFF MY THUMB!" complained Aro. He didn't get the chance to say much more, due to the fact that I ripped his head off.

-OR-

"Forever and ever and ever" Edward said, his words beggining to sound blurry. "and ever and everrrr".

All of a sudden, my mom woke me up.

"Bella, the plane is going to leave in a few hours! What did you dream about?" she threw in randomly for absolutely no reason at all.

"Well, I had this dream where I was in an abusive relationship with this douchebag named Edmund or something, and he called himeself a vampire even though he seemed more like a bloodsucking fairy to me. Also, there was this pedophile who fell in love with a demon hell child I had...and I was a bitch! Nothing made any logical sense!"

"Of course it didn't, dreams never make sense!"

"Well, that was a dumb thing for me to say."

And I went to Forks, Washington, and my dad got me a car for free! Then I went to my first day of school and made some new friends, although it was a little tough. Everyone was nice. I ended up marrying a charismatic human being named Mike Newton and lived happily ever after. The End.

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