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Youngtwitard

THINK OF THE CHILDREN. STOP THE POISON.

For the Antis that have children who are obsessed with the trash that is Twilight, there are several ways this can be accomplished. If it is in its early stages, try calmly reminding them that the relationships in the books are not healthy, and that such behavior would guarantee restraining orders and jail time in the real world. Also, try to point out that the novel should not be taken seriously. If that fails, remind them of basic grammar and how poor the writing is in the novels themselves. Relentless teasing is also a good method. Inocently mock the offending child for enjoying such garbage, and mock the garbage itself. If your child's opinions are easily swayed, you may be able to ward any enjoyment of this book off with a few well placed puns and/or jokes that "only parents enjoy." If you notice your child cringing at your remarks, or notce their rebbutals become halfhearted or fall flat, push forward with your taunts. You're doing it right!

If it has reached the point where calm, rational discussion is out of the question, consider these (extreme) alternatives:


  • Remove the novels from their room while your son or daughter is at school. Replace the novels with something considerably better, such as Harry Potter, House of Night, Vampire Kisses, et al. Do this until all of the novels are conveniently "missing".
  • Remove any and all memorabilia from their person. This is easy if they own clothing from the series such as t-shirts and jackets, as you can easily remove them from the laundry basket. Posters are a bit harder, considering that they are probably plastered all over the place. Once you have all memorabilia, commence burning it, if at all possible. Throwing it in the trash works also, though you may need to keep watch until the garbage trucks pick it up. Burying it in the compost heap is a more earth-friendly alternative, but you must watch and make sure they aren't taking it back in the house.
  • If you prefer physical punishment, whack them in the head with the book repeatedly while saying such Anti phrases as "Jacob is a pedo", "Bella is useless", "Edward is a stalker", or the ever-popular "REAL VAMPIRES DON'T SPARKLE".


If at all possible, ban the books from the house. Remember, you are the parent, so you make the rules. You have every right to tell your child not to read them, and it will save you a lot of trouble if you ban them in the first place. Due to the kind of influence Twilight has, if your child threatens suicide, if your child steps that down the moral ladder, then...never lose hope. Some anti-depressants (that are legal) and some feel-good actions might encourage your offspring to revert.

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