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James

Best. Character. Ever.

James is a tracker meyerpire, which means he's... really good... at... following... people... NOT LYK A STALKER @ ALLZ. 

TwilightEdit

James 2

James the Badass in the Twilight Movie

James is the first actual enemy to appear in the series. Regrettably he failed to take a proper course in evil. James met the Cullens during a fun-time game of vampire baseball. He wanted to eat Bella for the lulz to rid the world of her presence from the moment he saw her. It is possible, of course, that Edward just got confused and that James really wanted the half-empty bag of Doritos (or Cheese Nips) behind her.

James followed Bella. He snuck around the world from Kiev to Carolina. He was a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize. He took her for a ride on a slow boat to China, as well. He followed her to Phoenix, where she would obviously be, because she's weak, and female, and human and wants to go home. James called Bella, tricked her into believing that he had captured her mother, and told her to keep it secret from Alice and Jasper or mommy dies. Bella believes him right off, without actually conversing with her mom at all, and without thinking of the fact that he would never know if she had brought Alice and Jasper until they showed up, so she immediately sneaks off through the bathroom and heads off to a ballet studio where he has told her to meet him. Turns out, James was just playing old home movies because he's just an AV geek, and Bella's mother was not there. (WHOA, REALLY?) James tortures Bella melodramatically, to the delight of Antis everywhere, but just can't manage to kill her (he was probably having too much fun), despite her well-established fragility (she's a delicate invasive growth flower), before Edward and company arrive to save the day. Dammit. And so, natuarally, as the supposed VILEN, James had to die at the hands of the Cullens who are still oblivious to Bella's more than obvious Mary-Sueness, shallowness and stupidity (except for Rosalie of course). We didn't even get to see this fight though, because Bella was passed out at the time(heaven forbid that there be any action in these books). Oh well, at least he was a better villain than the Volturi Debate Team Coven.

We later learn that this was all because of the extra bag of Doritos that the fat pig Edward had with him and didn't want to share.

I sacrifice a Dorito in honor of your noble cause, James.

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