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Kristen Stewart

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Kristen Stewart is the actress who got stuck with the role of Bella in the Twilight movie. How she managed to play this part without going insane is unknown, but signs of her going crazy are clearly visible from her blinking twenty times a second. No rabid Twihards have murdered her in the night in order to replace her in Edward's heart, although she does state in an interview that she is frightened by them. She did not present at the Oscars with her co-star Robert Pattinson, but apparently will "when it's a great movie, not just one that makes a lot of money." She is notable for only having one tone and expression throughout the film. Seriously, sometimes that blank look on her face makes her look like a zombie.

In New Moon, her bad acting is even more evident than it was in Twilight. Poor direction might have contributed to this, but most people who have watched the movie will agree that the acting was terrible. Kristen Stewart acting out Bella’s nightmares for example, which the audience is alerted to by ridiculous screams during the night while she writhes and clutches at her sheets. Nobody screams like that while asleep if they’re not also being stabbed (or perhaps bitten, clawed, or raped) to death. Or maybe going into labour. Another scene that does not credit Kristen Stewart at all is when she and Alice are in the yellow Porsche in Volterra. There it definitely sounds like she's going into labour, not like she's anxious and worried.


The Kristen Stewart 'Acting' Method Edit

See also The Amazing Acting of Kristen StewartEdit

When I say 'acting' method, I mean 'standing around and blinking a lot.' To say that Stewart is a poor actress is like saying that an angry rhino is a poor pet. Stewart shows no discernable talent at all in the Twilight movies. However, to be fair, in other movies, Stewart is a rather credible actress, it's just unfortunate she got stuck with this dribble. I think the reason she is such a bad actress here is because:

  1. Bella is just that bad of a character. (which may be is the understatement of the year)
  2. The crew members had to continually drug Stewart so she will keep doing the role. (I wouldn't put it past them)
  3. Kristen Stewart herself just does not give a crap. (Who would?)
  4. This crappy series sapped her of any talent she had. (I told you it was evil!!!)
  5. She's acting badly on purpose to try and get fired. (Can you blame her?)
  6. She'll start acting good when the series gets good. (In other words- never)
  7. She's acting badly on purpose because she's secretly an anti and is trying to sabotage the series.
  8. All of the above.

There is a basic formula to her acting/not acting. The Stewart 'Acting' Method consists of three distinct yet important parts:

Blinking/Widening Eyes: Edit

Kristen stewart blinks. a lot01:56

Kristen stewart blinks. a lot.

Stewart's acting method.

Edit

Since Stewart shows a surprising lack of normal signs of life, i.e. emotion, she must rely on other, more sutble ways to convey to the audience that yes, she is alive and not a walking corpse like Edward. And so she often widens her eyes, since dead people wouldn't do that. It explains why Edward Cullen squints his eyes most of the time, because he's dead and can't widen them, great work Stewart and Pattinson.


A good actor, or even a decent one, can use the 'widen eyes' affect to convey emotion. Unfortunately Stewart hasn't quite got the knack of this as she widens her eyes waaaaayyyyy ttttooooo sssllllooooowwwlllyyyy. The slow motion effect is almost disturbing, as no one does that in real life. Seriously, try widening your eyes, slowly, take at least two minutes...and try that in a real conversation and watch as people stare at you in alarm and ask if something is wrong. The best part of this is that Stewart also has another trick up her sleeve with this one. In addition to slow-motion eyes widening, Stewart can also widen her eyes by the smallest amount possible. No more then a fraction of a millimeter, if even that. Almost impossible to see, though its more visible than the supposed 'love' between Bella and Edward.


Blinking forms the other half of this timeless Stewart classic. Stewart relies on blinking as another surefire way to show people that she is alive. By blinking. A whole lot. If you watch carefully the blinks are actually in morse code, spelling out a plea for someone to pull her out of the handbasket to hell that is Twilight...or perhaps she is asking for eyedrops.

Parted Lips: Edit

Stewart keeps her lips slightly parted the majority of her screentime. No, she's not doing this because she's about to speak, the main character actually does not speak much in the film because Meyer believes that women must be seen, not heard. There has been some discussion on whether Stewart does this to facilitate in breathing, but since she spends quite a bit of time fainting/passing out, about to faint, or looking as if she is about to faint, the theory has yet to be proven. Most simply believe that acting is just too hard for Stewart. Its difficult for her to remember her lines and keep standing, not to mention, walking and talking at the same time. We really can't belittle her for forgetting to close her mouth when she's trying to remember how to breathe while staring into Edward's avenging-angel-glorious-sparkly face.

Another theory states that Stewart does this intentionally as her own interpretation of the character Bella. When Edward tells that he's unable to read her mind for unknown reasons, the following (and permanent) "Durr"-kind-of-expression suggests that there isn't much to read.

Two Expressions(if you can call it that): Edit

The last, but most important part of the Stewart Method. The two facial expressions she has in her 'acting' arsenal, that's one more then Dereck Zoolander. The two expressions are as follows:


Slightly sad/afraid


Slightly happy/astonished


Note that the two can also double as slightly angry, slightly in pain, slightly anxious, slightly horny, and slightly constipated, simply because it's really hard to discern what human emotion Stewart is trying to convey with these two expressions. But we are certain that there are two distinct expressions, mostly because one has her lowering her eyebrows a little more and furrowing her brow slightly. It is believed that there is a third expression, slightly horny, but we will not see that till the last movie.

The only apparent interesting aesthetic talent of Stewart is her ability to resemble a teenage boy when not wearing any makeup (see TeenVogue cover, December/January - year unknown), and a cheap pornography star when wearing a moderate amount of makeup (see any entertainment magazine photo shoot).


Stewart does have a pretty face, she certainly bears a striking, if somewhat disturbing, resemblence to a young Meyer. She is definitely skinny enough, as Meyer had to make sure her self-insert was thinner then her own fat duff. It is in my opinion that Stewart is beautiful, but she simply is not a good actress. The Stewart Method is just enough to show movie viewers that the person playing Bella is not a corpse, but beyond that there is nothing. However, it is quite possible that Stewart is a fantastic actress, and her abysmal acting in the movies is directly related to the fact that she spends the entire time stoned out of her mind to deal with the pain of being a part of the Twilight trainwreck. It could also be due to the fact that she has to portray a character that has no personality besides being a whiney Mary Sue. _____________________________________________________________________

External Links imdb

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