Frozen Apples

List of ways to kill a Meyerpire

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SMeyer wants us to believe that no human can kill Meyerpires, but she's basically shot herself in the foot. She's stated that the Meyerpire "venom" is extremely flammable and that it lubricates every cell. So just flick a lit match on them and watch them go off like a sparkler. And no, you don't have to worry about the fire being hot enough cause that little campfire that Alice and the others made in the ballet studio was enough to burn James to a crisp. But let's think of more creative ways to kill them.

  1. A grenade launcher
  2. lock them in a school with a psycotic bear named Monokuma in charge and force them to kill eachother. Like Dangan Ronpa. All of the rules apply.
  3. A flamethrower
  4. A diamond cutter and a lit match.
  5. A nuclear bomb
  6. The Avada Kedavra curse.
  7. Pyrokinesis
  8. Telekenesis
  9. Nitro glycerin
  10. Firebending
  11. Transfiguring one into a slug and stepping on it
  12. A sparkler
  13. Automatic, incendiary rounds
  14. Alucard eating one with his hounds of Hell.
  15. A stray firework
  16. Launching them into the orbit of the Sun.
  18. Launching them into space without protection of a suit, since space has no insulation against the heat of the sun.
  19. Having them watch the Cursed Videotape.
  20. Alessa Gillespie reality warping them into oblivion.
  21. The Fire Gift.
  22. Alma Wade's flesh-melting power.
  23. Being drained by Akasha.
  24. Swords of the Cross (Dresden Files)
  25. Setting a copy of Twifail Twilight on fire and throwing it at them.
  26. Having them be trampled by rabid fangirls.
  27. Exposing them to the sun.
  28. Calling Buffy.
  29. Explaining the concept of a plot and watch when they freak out in primal confussion.
  30. Using science and logic to explain how they can't exist. SMeyer has said that they're more science than magic, so applying real world science to them would be lethal.
  31. The Ultima spell
  32. Having them commit suicide after seeing Nuttymadam's videos and seeing what they've done. Now THAT would be a good reason to kill yourself, not because your little sparklykillerpire went away.
  33. Pushing them into an Oblivion gate and watch them get mauled by daedra.
  34. Set Raiden (mortal kombat) on them,result....FATALITY!
  35. Lock them in a room with alucard.
  36. Lightsabers anyone?
  37. Send a horde of rabid vampire bats on them.
  38. Eat tater tots in front of them with a lot of garlic. Yummy!
  39. Kick them into a deep hole.
  40. Set your cat/dog on them.
  41. Force them to listen to Justin Beiber.
  42. Fus Ro dah!
  43. Get Totoro to sit on them.
  44. Force them to listen to the Lavender Town theme.
  45. Who said we need to KILL them? Be one...with Yuri. Yuri. YURI. yuri. Yuri...
  46. Neural resocialization. We will give them a better use.
  47. Butcher-sing the soundtrack of the Twitrash series.
  49. has some ideas...
  50. Dr. Thrax's Anthrax Gamma
  51. Markiplier is more than strong enough. He's charming too.
  53. Send in the clones!
  54. Jeff the Killer will encourage the nocturnal (Stage 5 Twimentia) ones to "Go to sleep"
  55. Throw kittens at them.
  56. Get your iron pickaxe and mine them!
  57. Creeper explosion time!
  58. Set the imperial legion on them.
  59. Death by dubstep! WUBUBUBUBUBUBUB!!!!
  60. Force them to watch my little pony friendship is magic (they will explode)
  61. Kick them into lava
  62. Throw them off a cliff Lion king style
  63. Dunk them into a shark infested tank.
  64. Trick them into a blind date with Mileena (works on male meyerpires)
  65. Take them with you when you feed the ducks
  66. Sing really badly to the point of making them combust
  67. Impale them with a chair
  68. Get them to contract the bulbonic plague
  69. Make them go into a minefield
  70. Feed them to velociraptors.
  71. Throw bananas at them
  72. Flush them down the toilet
  73. A wild vampire slayer appears!
  74. Impale them with a lolipop.
  75. Beat them to death with a twilight book
  76. Douse them in Jarate
  77. Tell Starfire that they ate Silkie
  78. Have them eat a dish prepared by Akane Tendo
  79. Get Batman to Glare at them
  81. Mine turtle anyone?
  82. Introduce them to Lincoln...and his axe.
  83. Grumpy cat will help...
  84. Push them into a toaster
  85. Pour gasoline on them and throw a lit match onto them (Warning you might get killed too)
  86. Get over here!
  87. Set slenderman on them
  88. Bury them alive
  89. Throw them into a piranha infested river
  90. Hammer time!
  91. Get your army of minecraft wolves to eat them
  92. Blind date with buffy?
  93. Insert name of pokemon here* I choose you!
  94. Scream like sindel in their ear
  95. Get Uboa to trap them in his world
  96. Call in the Nostalgia critic!
  97. Use your bicycle pump harpoon from dig dug and just keep pumping that air in!!
  98. Superman Time!
  100. Beat them to death with your bare fists (If you can!)
  101. Dropping them into an active volcano
  102. Dunking them into acid
  103. ZA WARUDO, then fuel tanker from above
  104. Set Margay777 on them
  105. Have Margay777 make them into steaks
  106. Make them blond (For some reason, Smeyer doesn't like blondes.... Stupid bitch.)
  107. Have them mined by some Dwarves. Bonus points if the Sparklepires caused the Dwarves to throw a tantrum.
  108. Get Roy Mustang to set them on fire using his flame alchemy
  109. Let Aoba Seragaki use SCRAP on them, let him control and destroy their minds.
  110. DEATH RAYS.
  111. Set Benny the Spaceman on them. Bonus points if he is currently on a spaceship.
  112. Find Cookie the Pixie-and-man-eating Guinea Pig
  113. Johnny Test
  114. Find AkaiDalia
  115. Killua assassin mode, need I say more?
  116. Set the Zoldyck Family on them
  117. Set BE(Bad Ending)!Ren from DRAMAtical Murder re:connect on them
  118. Put them in Attack On Titan
  119. Ferrokinesis
  120. Introduce them to some real vampires
  121. Godzilla
  122. Any Kaiju
  124. Let them h2h fight against Sauron
  125. Let them face Morgoth
  126. Send a company of Space Marines (Sparkling heresy)
  127. .Ultramarine Chaptermaster (Sparkling heresy)
  128. Primarchs (Sparkling is heresy)
  129. God emperor of mankind (Sparkling is heresy)
  130. Reshiram (Fusion Flare supernova attack)
  131. Crobat (Steel wing + Agility + Leech life like a real fucking vampire bat)
  132. Alduin
  133. Lord Harkon
  134. Goku
  135. Let them fistfight a Tyranitar (Tyranitar can crumple mountains with their claws)
  136. Any Pokemon (Magikarp + Focus Sash + Flail)
  137. Sith lords.
  138. Face-off with the Captain from Hellsing
  139. *insert name of Pokémon that knows Fire Blast here*, FIRE BLAST!!!
  140. Voltorb/Electrode, SELFDESTRUCT!
  141. Set a flock of Golbat onto them and drain them dry like real vampire bats!
  142. Make them face off against a Fire Type.
  143. Put them in the middle of a Kyogre Vs. Groudon Fight.
  144. Stick them under the spotlight, then set a horde of Gabite on them. (Gabite LOVE precious jewels - they go wild over them. What happens when the two are combined are anyone's guess).
  145. Alternatively, tie them to a stake, flay them, stick on some crushed diamonds and THEN set a bunch of Gabite/Gible on them.
  146. Boron nitrate is harder than diamond. Make a buzz saw out of it. It just might be hard enough to cut through their skin.
  147. Venom from the Children of the Moon is poisonous to Meyerpires
  148. Molten lava
  149. High-frequency sound waves may be able to shatter Meyerpire flesh
  150. Use a knife made from diamond or boron nitrate to skin a Meyerpire. Fashion the skin into a cord or a rope, and you've got an unbreakable lasso you can use to restrain any Meyerpires who try to escape being lit on fire.
  151. They're super-fast, right? But Krazy Glue is crazy strong. Spread out some Krazy Glue in an area where a Meyerpire is likely to pass. You might delay them just long enough to behead them with that boron nitrate saw mentioned above.
  152. Meyerpires' entire bodies are composed of a crystalline substance. If you can figure out its frequency, you might be able to shatter it with sound waves. Just remember to bring headphones.
  153. With either practice or with the aid of technology, you can train your mind to block out Meyerpires' psychic abilities. Now you'll have a much easier time cutting off heads with your boron nitrate buzz saw.
  154. You would think lasers would work, but the Meyerpires' sparkly skin might reflect the beam back at you. Instead, try something more practical, like a bazooka. The force alone should be enough to shatter them like porcelain.
  155. Summon Cthulhu
  156. Call Sans
  157. Use a ki blast
  158. Make Frieza watch Twilight. What happens after that is obvious
  159. Get Dante from Devil May Cry....Then charged Dante money for property damage :P
  160. Galick Gun
  161. Kamehamea
  162. SSGSS Kaioken x 10 Gogeta Big Bang Kamehameha (Because no kill is like overkill)
  163. Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann Big Bang Infinity Storm (Because a universe level attack is what they deserve)
  164. Bayonetta wicked weaves
  165. Loptr's meteor from Bayonetta 2. Nuke those pasty, sparklepires to dust
  166. Have Ash Williams introduce them to his Boomstick and robot hand. Groovy.
  167. Fact: President Theodore Roosevelt could most likely kill every single member of the Cullen family with just his bare hands in under five minutes... or, if he felt like giving himself a challenge, he could find a way to use his pince-nez as a weapon...
  168. Pump them full of Hamon via Clacker Volley or Hermit Purple.
  169. Introduce them to Star Platinum. ORAORAORAORA them to pieces. Go Star Platinum: ZA WARUDO for seasoning.
  170. Gold Experience Requiem. Introduce them to Diavolo's fate.
  171. Launch them into space with a volcano, the Red Stone of Aja, and a supercharged Hamon.
  172. Alucard doesn't have to set a hellhound; it took 37 bullets to shred Edward Cullen.
  173. Alexander Anderson turning the sparklepires into giant pincushions works; to select overkill, use the Nail of Helena, turn into Anderplant, and go nuts.
  174. Remember how much firepower the Protoss unleashed in Legacy of the Void to blast Amon's host body to Kingdom Come? Imagine all that unleashed on the sparklepires.
  175. Khaela. Mensha. Khaine. Burn, Monkeigh, burn...

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