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SMeyer wants us to believe that no human can kill Meyerpires, but she's basically shot herself in the foot. She's stated that the Meyerpire "venom" is extremely flammable and that it lubricates every cell. So just flick a lit match on them and watch them go off like a sparkler. And no, you don't have to worry about the fire being hot enough cause that little campfire that Alice and the others made in the ballet studio was enough to burn James to a crisp. But let's think of more creative ways to kill them.

  1. A grenade launcher
  2. Lock them in a school with a psycotic bear named Monokuma in charge and force them to kill each other. Like Dangan Ronpa. All of the rules apply.
  3. A flamethrower
  4. A diamond cutter and a lit match.
  5. A nuclear bomb
  6. The Avada Kedavra curse.
  7. Pyrokinesis
  8. Telekenesis
  9. Nitro glycerin
  10. Firebending
  11. Transfiguring one into a slug and stepping on it
  12. A sparkler
  13. Automatic, incendiary rounds
  14. Alucard eating one with his hounds of Hell.
  15. A stray firework
  16. Launching them into the orbit of the Sun.
  17. Hell, WHERE THEY FUCKING BELONG!!!!
  18. Launching them into space without protection of a suit, since space has no insulation against the heat of the sun.
  19. Having them watch the Cursed Videotape.
  20. Alessa Gillespie reality warping them into oblivion.
  21. The Fire Gift.
  22. Alma Wade's flesh-melting power.
  23. Being drained by Akasha.
  24. Swords of the Cross (Dresden Files)
  25. Setting a copy of Twifail Twilight on fire and throwing it at them.
  26. Having them be trampled by rabid fangirls.
  27. Exposing them to the sun.
  28. Calling Buffy.
  29. Iris - Messaging any demigod.
  30. Explaining the concept of a plot and watch when they freak out in primal confussion.
  31. Using science and logic to explain how they can't exist. SMeyer has said that they're more science than magic, so applying real world science to them would be lethal.
  32. The Ultima spell
  33. Having them commit suicide after seeing Nuttymadam's videos and seeing what they've done. Now THAT would be a good reason to kill yourself, not because your little sparklykillerpire went away.
  34. Pushing them into an Oblivion gate and watch them get mauled by daedra.
  35. Set Raiden (mortal kombat) on them, result....FATALITY!
  36. Lock them in a room with Alucard.
  37. Lightsabers anyone?
  38. Send a horde of rabid vampire bats on them.
  39. Eat tater tots in front of them with a lot of garlic. Yummy!
  40. Kick them into a deep hole.
  41. Set your cat/dog on them.
  42. Force them to listen to Justin Beiber.
  43. Fus Ro dah!
  44. Get Totoro to sit on them.
  45. Force them to listen to the Lavender Town theme.
  46. Who said we need to KILL them? Be one...with Yuri. Yuri. YURI. yuri. Yuri...
  47. Neural resocialization. We will give them a better use.
  48. Butcher-sing the soundtrack of the Twitrash series.
  49. DOUBLE FACEPUNCH!
  50. Cracked.com has some ideas...
  51. Dr. Thrax's Anthrax Gamma
  52. Markiplier is more than strong enough. He's charming too.
  53. JUMPSCARES GALORE!
  54. Send in the clones!
  55. Jeff the Killer will encourage the nocturnal (Stage 5 Twimentia) ones to "Go to sleep"
  56. Throw kittens at them.
  57. Get your iron pickaxe and mine them!
  58. Creeper explosion time!
  59. Set the imperial legion on them.
  60. Death by dubstep! WUBUBUBUBUBUBUB!!!!
  61. Force them to watch my little pony friendship is magic (they will explode)
  62. Kick them into lava
  63. Throw them off a cliff Lion king style
  64. Dunk them into a shark infested tank.
  65. Trick them into a blind date with Mileena (works on male meyerpires)
  66. Take them with you when you feed the ducks
  67. Sing really badly to the point of making them combust
  68. Impale them with a chair
  69. Get them to contract the bulbonic plague
  70. Make them go into a minefield
  71. Feed them to velociraptors.
  72. Throw bananas at them
  73. Flush them down the toilet
  74. A wild vampire slayer appears!
  75. Impale them with a lolipop.
  76. Beat them to death with a twilight book
  77. Douse them in Jarate
  78. Tell Starfire that they ate Silkie
  79. Have them eat a dish prepared by Akane Tendo
  80. Get Batman to Glare at them
  81. KAME-HAME-HAAA!
  82. Mine turtle anyone?
  83. Introduce them to Lincoln...and his axe.
  84. Grumpy cat will help...
  85. Push them into a toaster
  86. Pour gasoline on them and throw a lit match onto them (Warning you might get killed too)
  87. Get over here!
  88. Set slenderman on them
  89. Bury them alive
  90. Throw them into a piranha infested river
  91. Hammer time!
  92. Get your army of minecraft wolves to eat them
  93. Blind date with buffy?
  94. Insert name of pokemon here* I choose you!
  95. Scream like sindel in their ear
  96. Get Uboa to trap them in his world
  97. Call in the Nostalgia critic!
  98. Use your bicycle pump harpoon from dig dug and just keep pumping that air in!!
  99. Superman Time!
  100. HADOUKEN
  101. Beat them to death with your bare fists (If you can!)
  102. Dropping them into an active volcano
  103. Dunking them into acid
  104. ZA WARUDO, then fuel tanker from above
  105. Set Margay777 on them
  106. Have Margay777 make them into steaks
  107. Make them blond (For some reason, Smeyer doesn't like blondes.... Stupid bitch.)
  108. Have them mined by some Dwarves. Bonus points if the Sparklepires caused the Dwarves to throw a tantrum.
  109. Get Roy Mustang to set them on fire using his flame alchemy
  110. Let Aoba Seragaki use SCRAP on them, let him control and destroy their minds.
  111. DEATH RAYS.
  112. Set Benny the Spaceman on them. Bonus points if he is currently on a spaceship.
  113. Find Cookie the Pixie-and-man-eating Guinea Pig
  114. Johnny Test
  115. Find AkaiDalia
  116. Killua assassin mode, need I say more?
  117. Set the Zoldyck Family on them
  118. Set BE (Bad Ending)!Ren from DRAMAtical Murder re:connect on them
  119. Put them in Attack On Titan
  120. Ferrokinesis
  121. Introduce them to some real vampires
  122. Godzilla
  123. Any Kaiju
  124. HULK SMASH SPARKLE MAN!
  125. Let them h2h fight against Sauron
  126. Let them face Morgoth
  127. Send a company of Space Marines (Sparkling heresy)
  128. .Ultramarine Chaptermaster (Sparkling heresy)
  129. Primarchs (Sparkling is heresy)
  130. God emperor of mankind (Sparkling is heresy)
  131. Reshiram (Fusion Flare supernova attack)
  132. Crobat (Steel wing + Agility + Leech life like a real fucking vampire bat)
  133. Alduin
  134. Lord Harkon
  135. Goku
  136. Let them fistfight a Tyranitar (Tyranitar can crumple mountains with their claws)
  137. Any Pokemon (Magikarp + Focus Sash + Flail)
  138. Sith lords.
  139. Face-off with the Captain from Hellsing
  140. *insert name of Pokémon that knows Fire Blast here*, FIRE BLAST!!!
  141. Voltorb/Electrode, SELFDESTRUCT!
  142. Set a flock of Golbat onto them and drain them dry like real vampire bats!
  143. Make them face off against a Fire Type.
  144. Put them in the middle of a Kyogre Vs. Groudon Fight.
  145. Stick them under the spotlight, then set a horde of Gabite on them. (Gabite LOVE precious jewels - they go wild over them. What happens when the two are combined are anyone's guess).
  146. Alternatively, tie them to a stake, flay them, stick on some crushed diamonds and THEN set a bunch of Gabite/Gible on them.
  147. Boron nitrate is harder than diamond. Make a buzz saw out of it. It just might be hard enough to cut through their skin.
  148. Venom from the Children of the Moon is poisonous to Meyerpires
  149. Molten lava
  150. High-frequency sound waves may be able to shatter Meyerpire flesh
  151. Use a knife made from diamond or boron nitrate to skin a Meyerpire. Fashion the skin into a cord or a rope, and you've got an unbreakable lasso you can use to restrain any Meyerpires who try to escape being lit on fire.
  152. They're super-fast, right? But Krazy Glue is crazy strong. Spread out some Krazy Glue in an area where a Meyerpire is likely to pass. You might delay them just long enough to behead them with that boron nitrate saw mentioned above.
  153. Meyerpires' entire bodies are composed of a crystalline substance. If you can figure out its frequency, you might be able to shatter it with sound waves. Just remember to bring headphones.
  154. With either practice or with the aid of technology, you can train your mind to block out Meyerpires' psychic abilities. Now you'll have a much easier time cutting off heads with your boron nitrate buzz saw.
  155. You would think lasers would work, but the Meyerpires' sparkly skin might reflect the beam back at you. Instead, try something more practical, like a bazooka. The force alone should be enough to shatter them like porcelain.
  156. Summon Cthulhu
  157. Call Sans
  158. Use a ki blast
  159. Make Frieza watch Twilight. What happens after that is obvious
  160. Get Dante from Devil May Cry....Then charged Dante money for property damage :P
  161. Galick Gun
  162. Kamehamea
  163. SSGSS Kaioken x 10 Gogeta Big Bang Kamehameha (Because no kill is like overkill)
  164. Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann Big Bang Infinity Storm (Because a universe level attack is what they deserve)
  165. Bayonetta wicked weaves
  166. Loptr's meteor from Bayonetta 2. Nuke those pasty, sparklepires to dust
  167. Have Ash Williams introduce them to his Boomstick and robot hand. Groovy.
  168. Fact: President Theodore Roosevelt could most likely kill every single member of the Cullen family with just his bare hands in under five minutes... or, if he felt like giving himself a challenge, he could find a way to use his pince-nez as a weapon...
  169. Pump them full of Hamon via Clacker Volley or Hermit Purple.
  170. Introduce them to Star Platinum. ORAORAORAORA them to pieces. Go Star Platinum: ZA WARUDO for seasoning.
  171. Gold Experience Requiem. Introduce them to Diavolo's fate.
  172. Launch them into space with a volcano, the Red Stone of Aja, and a supercharged Hamon.
  173. Alucard doesn't have to set a hellhound; it took 37 bullets to shred Edward Cullen.
  174. Alexander Anderson turning the sparklepires into giant pincushions works; to select overkill, use the Nail of Helena, turn into Anderplant, and go nuts.
  175. Remember how much firepower the Protoss unleashed in Legacy of the Void to blast Amon's host body to Kingdom Come? Imagine all that unleashed on the sparklepires.
  176. Khaela. Mensha. Khaine. Burn, Monkeigh, burn...
  177. Trap them in a burning house.
  178. The Mockingjay bow and a couple of Beetie's incendiary or explosive arrows for each sparklepire.
  179. Ready - aim - DRACARYS! (And since Daenerys is not just a blonde but a platinum blonde... sounds, ironic, don't it?)
  180. (If you don't have a dragon to perform #179:) Sneak a couple of wildfire stashes to their basement, then go all the Mad Queen way. (Even more ironic as Cersei is also a blonde.)
  181. Pilot a gundam
  182. Make Shinji get in the robot and destroy those fairies
  183. Pay 5 yen coins to Yato and have him to kill them using Yukine in his Blessed Regalia Form
  184. Transform into a titan (Colossal Titan is preferrable) and squash them flat
  185. Have a CCG raid in the Cullen Manor and send only Kishou Arima with all of his quinques (including Narukami, IXA, and OWL). A meyerpire will instantly die the moment they see Arima
  186. Have Kaneki Ken transform into a kakuja and make him kill all those meyerpires
  187. Amaterasu flames
  188. Rasengan!!
  189. Chidori!!!
  190. A Lee Sin kick
  191. 1 Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick (It can instantly kill all meyerpires in existence)
  192. A brofist from Saitama

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