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Meyerland

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Welcome to Meyerland (also known as Meyerworld), the twisted alternate reality that Stephenie Meyer lives in. It's quite the messed up place, to say the least.

In Meyerland:

  • Meyer is the greatest writer on the entire planet IN DA INTYR YUNEEVEERSE!!11!
  • Suicide IS XTREEMLY ROMANTIKK, and the only logical thing to do when a loved one dies.
  • Blondes are terrible, nasty people.
  • Vampires don't die when exposed to sunlight; DEY SPAKREL!!1edward1!1
  • Twilight is a mockery of love stories TEH BEST LUV STOREY EVA!!11! All other love stories are much better than this pile of trash SUK IN CUMPARYSUN TO ITZ GRATNESSS!!11!!11!
  • Love for another person is based solely on their looks, wealth and popularity.
  • Physical and emotional abuse are completely fine, especially when male on female.
  • All of Smeyere's characters exist and one day Edward (or Jacob) will come and take her away from her lucky poor husband, Poncho (Meyer has said herself that if her completely fictional characters ever came knocking, she would dump her husband without ever looking back. Of course, her almost free husband thinks it's a joke).
  • Pedophilia and child grooming are also just fine. There's nothing wrong or illegal about them.
  • Book leaks are the worst thing ever. If a book gets leaked, its okay to cry about it and never finish the book (unless you want to finish it to rake in some more cash). After all, who cares about all those fans who wanted the book?
  • EVERY1 WHO SPUTS KRITACISM ABOOT STEPHIE'S BUKS IS JUS A BIG FAT MEENIE!!11!one!!1 THEI JUST DONNT UNDAHSTAYNDD HERR JEENYUS!!11!!!1!!
  • Raping science and logic is okay if it helps her to explain something in her books.
  • Meyer is better than any other human being on the planet, or anywhere else for that matter.
  • Centipede Aliens R ZOMFG BOOTIFULL PEEPEL!!!, and is absolutely fine if they steal your body in a fate worse than death.
  • Writing a book based off of your wet dreams is fine. It's also fine if some publishers reject it, they're just big jerks who don't understand the sheer brilliance of your scribbles on paper books!
  • Homosexuals don't exist because Mormonism says it's wrong because Meyer's a homophobe because THEI DONNT!!111!sparklysparkly!!1! *shifty eyes*
  • It's perfectly ok to ruin young teenage girls' minds and ruin classic villains.
  • Romeo and Juliet was a tragedy satire LUV STOOREE!!1! Also, the Twilight books are WAY better than it.
  • It's okay to fuck up your own logic, just as long as your protagonist gets everything she could ever want!
  • Child marriage is abhorrent, perverted and wrong perfectly fine, because of TWU WUV!


As you can see, Meyer has some pretty serious mental issues. Please Stephie, just wise up, get some help (and stop writing the damn things you call literature). The world will be a MUCH better place if you do.

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