- "About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him -- which I assumed was wildly out of his control -- that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me."
- ―Belle Goose, from the back of the book
What is "Nightlight"?Edit
Nightlight is basically a parody/spoof variant of SMeyer's first of many atrocious saga long novels Twilight. The Harvard Lampoon has given Antis and sane Twilighters a gift that goes far beyond mortal comprehension.
The story itself makes Bella Swan under the name Belle Goose, in which she moves to Switchblade, Oregon to find adventure... or maybe a love interest perhaps? She then discovers Edwart Mullen a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in the female species (maybe he's gay?). Belle soon realizes that Edwart is a vampire after seeing that he left his Tater Tots untouched during lunch, and saving her from a flying snowball.
She tells everyone about this, and then lies by saying that he saved her from a snowball with a rock in it and then an avalanche. Belle, who is basically Bella, known for being a total dumbass, wants Edwart to turn her into a vampire and make her his eternal bride.
The book is jam packed with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalkerlike behavior, and a vampire prom, while dealing with a teenage girl looking for love in all the wrong places.
Basically an epic win for Antis everywhere.
- First Look
- Hand Prick
- The Mullens
- The Cemetery
- Vampire Prom
- Rightful Place