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Renesmee Cullen

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Renesmee Cullen is the hellspawn demon spawn daughter of Edward and Bella, even though her existence is a biological impossibility (see 

Renesmee

CGI face results in one of the creepiest babies ever.

below). Her purpose in the text is to provide Bella with a beautiful daughter to prove her love for Edward, and to complete her as a woman, since in Twilight every woman is obsessed with having babies for whatever reason. She also conveniently wraps up the love triangle between Bella, Edward and Jacob by having Jacob imprint on her; which is lucky, because otherwise there might have been actual conflict. We can't have that.

Nessie is a testament to Bella's poor parenting skills as she chooses a name for her daughter that's definitely going to get her bullied at school. Wait, Nessie's too SPESHUL! She doesn't need to go to school like every other kid! She's a Sue! She grows her English-speaking ability, her maths, and she doesn't need to be friends with those boring, inferior humans. In fact, she grows up much faster than most children, which saves Bella and Edward the trouble of having to actually raise her.

Renesmee's full name is Renesmee Carlie Cullen, and even though this is a ridiculously stupid name, some idiotic fangirls have seen fit to name their own spawn the same. Clearly these women are deranged, and their poor children shall forever be mocked and regarded as a result of the Twilight fan craze, or forcibly have their names changed. Jacob Black is the one who gives her the nickname Nessie, and Antis everywhere should thank him for the endless Loch Ness Monster jokes he has bestowed upon them. For some strange reason, Bella gets upset about this nickname and tries to attack Jacob. You would think she would be more upset about Jacob the pedowolf imprinting on her NEWBORN BABY, but no. Congratulations Bella, you suck.

When Jacob sees Renesmee for the first time in Breaking Wind, he forgets the feelings he had had for Bella since Twilight, and promptly "imprints" on the newborn baby (IT'S AWWWW-RIGHT!) . Meyer revealed in an interview that the reason Jacob had feelings for Bella at all was because he sensed Renesmee's egg in her. No, seriously. What would have happened if Jacob and Bella had gotten married, and their child was Renesmee? No one even wants to think about the resulting confusion. It is heavily implied that Jacob will have sex with Renesmee once she has the physical maturity of an eighteen-year-old, even though she would be chronologically, emotionally, and mentally seven and Jacob would have been like an uncle to her before that time. This is justified by her intelligence and maturity, qualities Stephenie Meyer may or may not actually understand, judging by the fact that we are told Bella possesses them. People who are not Twilight fangirls think the Jacob/Renesmee relationship is pedophilia and child grooming, and rightly so. People who are Twilight fangirls think it's OMG so cute, and often fail to realize that it's even worse than a 14-year-old who looks eighteen dating somebody who is thirty years old.

143ls04

Renesmee Cullen, age 7.

Although in most normal circumstances a small child would not want to marry their uncle figure, Bella comments on how much Nessie thinks about Jacob and accepts her fate as his future sex slave wife(*cough*ChildGrooming *cough*). This is another example of Stephenie Meyer's odd fetish of having the victims of pedophilia and abuse actually enjoying their sick situations. Many fans would like to believe that Jake and Nessie will just be uber best buds forever and ever, but Jacob lets us know his true intentions when he gives a promise ring to his beloved sea creature for her first Christmas(that's right, her FIRST Christmas).

In line with the priorities of the Twilight series, Renesmee's appearance is very well described: she has Bella's brown eyes, red hair like Edward's which is curly like Charlie's, and Edward's facial features. Since Edward is consistently described as lean, angular and entirely masculine in appearance, we must assume that Renesmee is one hell of an ugly baby.

Her "Speshul Power"

Apparently her power is to "transfer thoughts via touch". Which should qualify as the worst superpower ever, or just an exscuse to show how "mature" she is.

Except that, if we go with what we are shown rather than what we are told, her power seems to be much more powerful. The Denali coven, as well as many other vampires who are initially hostile against her, instantly love her and declare her to be the best thing ever after pepperjack cheese after she touched her.

Basically, she just has to touch somebody, and that person regards her as a wonderful baby who is beautiful and good and pure and virginal and can do nothing wrong and you have to protect her and pamper her and coddle her against the evol bud looking guyz.

You read that right.

Her explicit power is to be a Mary Sue.

And any sensible ration human being hates her and wants to kill her and all her sueness. Margay777 is quite well known to be planning this little bitches death. With plenty if blood shed.

But it's still possible, right?

Haha.

Hahaha.

Hahahaha.

No.

According to the first books, she isn't possible, but, because this is a fantasy novel and Bella needs a child to complete her, she can get away with dumping any worthless crap she wants into her wet dream saga failed attempt at literature books. Nevertheless, she felt the need to make ridiculous pseudo-scientific explanations that make one wonder either what she was on at the time, or how on earth she managed to get though high school. She twisted her characters to give them sex right off, handwaved vigorously in order to explain how Edward can get it up, and committed more acts of handwaving about venom and seminal fluid to make it even vaguely possible that vampires could reproduce. In order to explain her impossible baby she has created the origami theory of chromosomes, wherein the top two extra chromosomes of a 25/23 pair hybrid fold down into an extra pair, because all chromosomes are interchangeable. No it doesn't make sense, it's Twilight. Why couldn't she just say it was magic?
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What would happen if that was done in the Breaking Dawn movie.

'Perfect?'

While she is described as very speshul and perfect, Renesmee probably won't turn out so rosily. Though she develops and grows rapidly (so Bella won't have to dirty her hands doing diapers like a commoner), this will probably deprive her of a lot of important experiences and a childhood. She will not be able to make friends since she will not have an opportunity to do so, and even if she does meet another child, they will not be able to relate to each other. She won't be able to choose her companions or even her boyfriend, when the time comes.

No matter how precocious she is, at age seven, she will still lack the amount of experience to choose. Because, let's think, she will still be a seven year old, though she will look seventeen, and she will be like most seven-year olds.
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The epitome of stupidity.

This means Jacob will be banging a seven-year old! What is wrong with you, SMeyer?

She refers to Jacob as 'Her Jacob' showing some possessive behavior, like her daddy pixypire Edward. Between her and Jacob I don't know who I feel more sorry for.

Are you one of the couple that absolutely LOOOOOOOOOVE the Loch Ness Mons- I mean hybrid? Well good for you 'cause the Stephenie Meyer Wiki got an article on this horrifying creature!

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