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Types of Twilight Fans

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Antis have identified many types of Twilight Fans.

TwilighterEdit

Taxonomic Name: Homo insipiens

A human being who is a fan of Stephenie Meyer's 'Twilight Series', consisting of 'Twilight', 'New Moon', 'Eclipse', and 'Breaking Dawn'. Twilighters are usually quite addicted to the series, and may be considered "obsessed" by some. However, they are reasonable and do not try to cuss you out or harm you for having a different opinion than theirs. These people are also quite capable of putting up a logical argument and are also able to have a sense of humor. They are the people who civilly defend the Twilight books.

Twilight FanEdit

Taxonomic Name : Homo insipiens

Casual readers of the Twilight series that know better. They enjoy it, and often will lightheartedly banter with Antis on inaccuracies. Most consider it a guilty pleasure. Some merely enjoy it because they are sane enough to realize that Edward and Bella's relationship cannot and should not happen, yet they like the writing and minor characters like Alice or Jasper. Some Antis find it hard to believe these Fans exist. However, Twilight Fans will point out that they do exist as often as possible. They hate being lumped in with the other types of fans (see above). It is noted that this particular type of Twilight fan is in danger of becoming extinct due to overpopulation by Twitards. This is one of the only kinds of fans that is generally okay to befriend if you are an Anti.

People Who Failed at Reading Twilight Edit

Taxonomic Name: Homo intelegous-no-twilighticus

These are some of the luckiest people ever. Instead of becoming one of the airheads mentioned on this page (minus the Twilighter and the Twilight Fan), they kept their sanity and are now some of the most brilliant Antis ever. This is one of the largest groups, since Twilight sucks so much.

Edit

Guys Who Like Twilight Edit

Taxon: Homo Homosexualis Erectus

Other known taxon: Homo Guywhoreadstwilightandsomehowlikesitweirdhuhis

A rarity in the Twilight Fan World. If they don't like it because of teh sparklezzz, it is unknown why they like it since that's what the books are all about.Guys who like twilight are not considered men and unmanly.

Closest Safe Proximity-Min. 5 miles, depending on the other categories they overlap.

TwatsEdit

Taxon: Twatiticus Ridifagitus


A subdivision of the more annoying Twitards, Twats are those internet Twilight Fans who don't stop bitching on how Twilight is better than Harry Potter. They also usually believe that Jacob Black is their god and he's "YUMM-ALICIOUS!!!!". Twats keep bitching about how the Harry Potter fans don't respect Stephenie Meyer and they usually have bad grammar, as do the vast majority of Twilight Fans around the world.

To add to the Twilight-fan-fail, the word "twat" is also known as a girl's *tralalala* in British Slang.

Twivictims Edit

A sane human being previously a Twitard, Twihard, and Twifag. Most of them had been peer-pressured by other fans. The poor individual had been subconsciously commanded by Ms. Meyer to buy all four of her books, most of the overpriced merchandise, and a movie ticket to the film adaptations of her series. Some cures for the instilled obsessions include:


  1. Watching the movie and realizing what a stupid story this is. (repeated if necessary)
  2. Reading the series one more time or more when having a sane and stable mindset.
  3. Reading Antis' statements and logical fallacies and noting that they're right.
  4. Reading a good book, preferably Harry Potter or Dracula, right after finishing one of the books.
  5. Watching some or one of nuttymadam's video/s on YouTube and becoming horrified at what their current path could lead to.
  6. Looking at Robert Pattinsons's situations of being preyed upon by the fangirls.
  7. Hearing about extreme situations that have victimized many innocent people because of the books. (for example, a wife divorcing her long time husband because he wasn't like Edward.)
  8. Realize you're in debt because you had a questionable need to own every item with the word 'Twilight', 'Meyer' or 'Cullen' on it.
  9. Watching a better vampire movie and remembering that they actually died hundreds of years ago, and can never get an erection because they don't have any blood flowing through them.


Usually, the person is instantly brought back to their senses after one of these situations. Treatment for extreme cases involve slapping the person repeatedly while stating an Anti-Twilight phrase (i.e, 'Jacob is a pedo', 'Steph can't write good', 'Vampires can't sparkle')

Twimoms Edit

Twimoms are mothers that are just addicted to the series as many teenagers. It is common that they do not like their husbands enough to have sex with them, so instead masturbate whilst reading these books. Many people living in America or Canada have one. Avoid at all costs. If spotted use same methods of defence as for the categories they overlap.

If they have kids, they will most likely try to force the books on them, or may neglect them to the point that it is considered child abuse. If it's not too late, evacuate them to a safer location.

TwigrandmasEdit

Twigrandmas are old women that are addicted to the twilight series and they find Edward Cullen sexy. However, this specific group is not as large as the Twimoms or Twilighters, so you should be safe for the most part, but if you do happen to come across one, avoid at all costs.

Watch that Burger King commercial and you’ll understand. (*shudder*)

Twi-zealotsEdit

Complete slaves to Meyer, and are the hands that carry out her quest for assimilation and utter retardedness. They often have bad grammar, bad spelling, and no shame.

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