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WUT DO MEAN SHE SHUD DO "RESURCH"?

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A Twilight fan realizes... Stephie can't write.

"One of the great things about fantasy is that research rarely applies."
― SMeyer
"Stephenie Meyer has no imagination, research or common sense at all, and it is evident from her series and her writing style."
― Emperor Angelo XXV, after reading the entire series and Meyer's The Host

Stephenie Meyer believes that because she is writing fiction, and more specifically fantasy, that she doesn't need to research anything. If she were writing fantasy where she created her own world with her own names for everything, this would be true, but SMeyer is clearly not original enough for this, and so she set her series in the real world, but with sparkly "vampires." When you set something in the real world, leaving inaccuracies lying around everywhere, it breaks your readers' suspension of disbelief, since they know that Forks is reasonably sunny, or that Libishomen does not mean vampire, or that chromosomes are not interchangeable. Fortunately for Meyer's popularity, most of the fangirls who read her trash shitty fan-fiction books do not actually know these things, or in fact anything else, and as such, have no disbelief to suspend. Research is only actually necessary if she intends to appeal to readers who have completed grade 10, and her book sales have shown that she can make money selling only to mindless teenagers (and sexually repressed housewives), but the lack thereof still makes her look dumb.

Things Meyer Should Have Researched (Besides, you know, how to write a half-decent novel!)Edit

History

British HistoryEdit

London's sewers were open ditches until the underground system was constructed between 1859 and 1865. As open ditches draining into the River Thames, these sewers would have been the worst hiding places in the history of the world.

The English did not burn witches at the stake. Witches were hanged. Also, witches were rarely sentenced to death in Great Britain after 1615, except in Scotland. It was illegal to use torture to divine a witch after 1573. And that would be known if you read about the Witches of Warboy.

Likewise, there were no trials against accused vampires and werewolves in England. They were, however, trials against accused werewolves in Germany [1], France [2][3][4][5], and Baltic countries [6]. Trials against accused vampires, on the other hand, were confined to Central and Eastern Europe. [7] Carlisle's father being an Anglican minister would have been rather problematic, seeing as how Oliver Cromwell took over in 1649 (when Carlisle was younger than 10). Cromwell was a Puritan, not an Anglican, and Anglican ministers were persecuted under his rule.

Armed forces of Confederate States of AmericaEdit

Wikipedia.com: "The soldiers of the Confederate armed forces consisted mainly of white males aged between sixteen and twenty-eight."[8] If it is correct, then human Jasper didn't need to lie to get in the army. He would have turned sixteen and as a (really fucked-up) birthday present to himself he could have joined the army without having to lie. The Confederacy would not hesitate to let this very tall (6'3), strong, young man into the army.

The Quileute Tribe
Edit

Also, see main article: Quileute Tribe
The Quileutes are an actual tribe with a real history, folklore and culture. Meyer, of course, does not respect this at all. It doesn't matter, I suppose, since Native Americans are used to having their cultures abused and appropriated by ignorant people like Meyer.

This makes her the equivalent of even worse than Bible-screwing Dan Brown. At least Angels and Demons was a good read.

GeographyEdit

Forks, WashingtonEdit

See main article: Forks, Washington
...is not actually the rainiest place in America.[9]

Basic Cardinal Directions
Edit

Twilight says Brazil is on the West Coast, whereas in reality, it's on the East Coast.
2zhfams

West<------------------------->East

"WE" Meyer, remember "WE".  This is sixth third grade geography!

South AmericaEdit

On that note, there is no such thing as the “Libishomen“ in Brazilian folklore. Maybe SMeyer was confused with the "Lobisomem", which is a werewolf, not a vampire. (A REAL werewolf, by the way)

And now we have the native South American tribes. Mapuches, my dear Meyer, are from Chile, not Brazil. There‘s actually a HUGE difference between those two countries (O RLY? Yes, really.) . You should look it up.

Isle EsmeEdit

See main article: Isle Esme

No island exists in its coordinates. This means Carlisle dumped more dirt on the spot than Mt. Everest contains. To do that, there are three scenarios:

  1. It was a centuries-long ordeal. This would mean that it'd probably land in the history books. Impossible, as Esme was turned quite near 1900.
  2. It used a massive fleet of dredges. This massive fleet would've been picked up by any observer noticing that those dredges are freaking active, and it'd still land in the history books. Think of what big news the "World Islands" and "Palm Islands" in Dubai are.  There also would be holes in the ground where all that dirt came from. If that was the case, then the island would be too new to have a tribe of natives with their own culture. Impossible unless Carlisle had perfected memory control by the early 1900's, in which case by 1965, every major power would have that shit in their files.
  3. Carlisle has a REALLY big boat.

Of course, Meyer could have completely made up the island, in which case, she shouldn't have given the coordinates.

Wolves in Washington Edit

There may be lions and tigers and bears (oh my!) in WA, but there most certainly are NOT wolves, which have been extinct in this state since the 1920's/1930's, although some packs of twenty to thirty wolves have been found along the Idaho-Washington border. Still, if it was discovered that there were wolves living in the area around Forks, nobody should be going out to shoot them. They would call up animal specialists to find out what the heck wolves were even doing there in the first place.

Basic Law Edit

Washington State Truancy LawsEdit

They would not have permitted the Cullens to skip school on every sunny day, no matter what kind of students they were.

Blood Typing PermissionEdit

It would be illegal in most places for schools to do the blood typing experiment from Twilight without parental permission.

Not Born to Be WildEdit

It is illegal to ride a motorcycle without a license. In Washington state, one must undergo a special course to get that license, which Bella did not. Also, it is illegal to ride without wearing a helmet, something Bella (and Jacob) neglected to do, thus showing more proof that Bella (and Stephenie Meyer) are rather unconcerned about both legality and bodily harm clearly the best role models ever.

Bad MedicineEdit

Since the state of Washington requires background checks on medical personnel, Carlisle would not have been allowed to run that hospital. He wouldn't show up on the records as having been to medical school in the past 400 years. Even if he provides forged records for himself, it is unlikely that he could fake his supposed school's records and the memories of its alumni as well. He could attend school every few years, but that would require him to spend as much time repeating medical school as he did working. Either way, he would be considered a very young doctor, not someone likely to be sought after by several major hospitals. Also, despite Edward and Carlisle's efforts to do so, it is not even remotely legal to perform an abortion on a woman without her consent. No, not even if you're her husband. Especially if you're not her husband.

Speed RacerEdit

Edward's driving in the first book is a blantant example of breaking the law. He dodges through traffic constantly, and speeds at extremely high speeds, using the excuse that he has super reflexes. Problems with this are as follows:


  1. Where are all the cops? Because this behavior is incredibly abnormal and should be reported.
  2. Super reflexes don't take into account the fact that the car is affected by friction and momentum. Even with super reflexes, you can't change the cars handling, you could have the best reflexes on earth and you still shouldn't be able to do any of the things he does in the book without ensuring an accident.
  3. Besides, there is something called a speed camera. Speed cameras, my dear Meyer, are basically motion-sensitive cameras that are triggered by objects moving at certain speeds. Wouldn't Edward have his car's picture taken and received a fine?

ScienceEdit

Also, see Scientific Inaccuracies.

Basic BiologyEdit

It is traditional to explain things like werewolves in terms of magic, because science really doesn't have anything that will explain all the male youngsters of a particular tribe turning into werewolves when vampires are present. Instead, she decided to add random chromosomes. Extra chromosomes cause mental retardation and birth defects, not shape-shifting, and children born to species with different chromosome counts do not end up with an average number of pairs. Such creatures also tend to be infertile, regardless of gender.

It is stated in New Moon that an ancestor of the Quileute tribe transferred his soul to a real wolf when his earthly body had been destroyed. In Breaking Dawn, Edward reveals that the Quileute tribe are not real werewolves, but shape-shifters. How can it be that this transformation is genetic for the descendants of the tribe? Why didn't the werewolves know this information about themselves? Why is Leah a shape-shifter? How did Edward find this out in the first place? If they're related to true wolves, then why are their werewolf forms the size of horses? Wolf packs have a male and female alpha wolf, so why can't Leah be an alpha female?

Imprinting
Edit

Is not a creepy process in which Meyerwolves find a sex slave twu luv soul mate. It is a learning behavior that helps a young animal. Imprinting heavily depends on the animal being in a critical stage of life. In real life, there are 3 forms of imprinting: Filial imprinting, the Westermarck effect & Sexual imprinting.[10]

  1. Filial Imprinting is the most well known form of imprinting. It is when a very young animal learns the behaviors of its parent. It happens during a critical period, usually very early its life. For example: the first moving thing a baby duck sees, it will think of it as its parent.
  2. The Westermarck Effect ah yes this one is VERY interesting and proves that if Meyer did ANY research she would have WRITTEN BETTER. Oh but wait, its just fantasy, right? If it's fiction, who cares, right? I'll tell you who cares. People of average or above-average intelligence who don't want to be like "WTF!" when they finish your book. (takes deep breath) OK, the Westermarck Effect AKA Reverse Sexual Imprinting is a theory that when Humans live together for the first 6 years (critical period,again) of their lives and within that time they are desensitized to later sexual attraction-THEY DON'T FIND EACH OTHER SEXUALLY APPEALING LATER IN LIFE. In real life, the little Anti-Christ would turn 6 and will NEVER want Pedowolf and then he would later try to rape her. However this effect is hypothetical as Oedipus proposed the Oedipus complex, which Sigmung Freud with others support, which states according to wikipedia that between the ages of 3 to 6  "that the mind keeps in the unconscious via dynamic repression, to have sexual relations with the parent of the opposite sex (i.e. males attracted to their mothers, and females attracted to their fathers)."
  3. Finally, Sexual Imprinting is when a young animal prefers the characteristics of a desirable mate. For example, "male zebra finches appear to prefer mates with the appearance of the female bird that rears them, rather than mates of their own type."

Thank you Wikipedia.

I'm going to leave you with this: Stephenie Meyer is a VERY LAZY, no-talent hack writer, and this video; it talks about Twilight & imprinting:[11]

Miscelaneous Edit

CurrencyEdit

In New Moon, right before Bella and Alice enter Volterra, Alice hands a guard "a thousand dollar bill". There are no thousand dollar bills circulating to the general public in American currency or in Euros. The ones that do exist are only used in large corporations. A thousand Italian lira would roughly be 75 cents in American currency and therefore nothing to impress the guard with to let them pass.  Of course, the Italian Lira hasn't been in use since 2002 when it was replaced by the Euro. New Moon was published in 2006, so if Meyer was talking about lira, then the guard was basically handed a worthless piece of paper. That's not much of a bribe, is it?

SnowflakesEdit

They are not eight-pointed, they have six-sided symmetry. Even kids in elementary school know this. Water does not crystallize that way, so if Renesmee really did snatch that "perfect, eight-pointed star" out of the air, Forks has some seriously strange snow. Either that, or Meyer was high on crack when she wrote this.

VampiresEdit

Vampires DON'T sparkle. Nuff' said. She could've at least read vampire books first or not write about them at all.

WerewolvesEdit

No need to say it.

'Planets/'Elliptical orbitEdit

for The Host.

References Edit

  1. [1]
  2. [2]
  3. [3]
  4. [4]
  5. [5]
  6. [6]
  7. [7]
  8. [8]
  9. [9]
  10. [10]
  11. [11]

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